Good point, Trump is much more likely to be nice to us if we *don’t* take back the House!! 

“Bull Chlamydia”

Hannity tonight: “In fact, men with smaller-than-average penises have been revered throughout history.”

I love that you call out “zealots and extremists” the sentence immediately after mentioning your vigilante fantasy of punching out somebody for criticizing you. 

Trying to count the number of times I saw people “accidentally” make the OK/WP sign while “resting their hands” in the first 43 years of my life. Pretty sure it was zero. Yet suddenly in this past year, FOR WHATEVER REASON, lots of white people apparently just naturally put their hands in this not-at-all-natural…

Used to be you could watch a game without some GLORY BOY USHER trying to make a point and demonstrate how “swag” he is. 

Yeah my girlfriend works 3 straight 12 hour night shifts in an ICU and somehow manages to come home every night and find her actual house and not shoot anyone. 

““I mean, we have not interviewed her,”

He’s at the McCain funeral. 

“Lol wow... you just proved you’re a one sided clown.”

Imagine writing a description of a Mitch Hedberg show. “He concluded with some brief non sequiturs about absurd and frankly unlikely situations. I guess you had to be there?”

“ I wish the bakery all the success apologize for my actions and hope we can all move on from this.”

Same with college football when players leaving a year or two early for the pros is a shocking example of a lack of loyalty, but hey what are ya gonna do?? when a coach leaves his contract (and every player he recruited) to take another job. 

Baseball is (a) slow as hell, and (b) 162 games over the season. So players have a lot of time to sit around doing nothing but thinking about something relatively innocuous that some other player did, and then stewing for weeks on end about that thing. 

“and none of them were arrested, though police were called”

“...indeed, as they face a Golden State team stacked with bankable stars, the Cavs seem dog tired. Speaking of dogs...”

Hope she’s down with being stoned by the village elders if her husband can’t find proof that she was a virgin before they consummated their marriage.

He also instituted the racist-by-design “stop and frisk” policy, and floated the “hey, just talking out loud here” idea of mayyyyyybe not having an election and letting him just continue to be mayor because terrorism.

So all they have to do is stand? The policy doesn’t prohibit them from doing something else while standing? D’oh!

“what the hell these guys are doing and why the hell they are doing it.”

Being drunk, and because they are drunk.