Best educate yourself on what is considered “assault” these days, friendo. Why, did you know that if you are trying to keep someone in a location, and you take their phone away, or pull a landline out of the jack, that can be considered *kidnapping*? It’s true! You don’t have to punch someone or violate someone to…

I love the “ask 95% of cops, they’ll agree” line as the ultimate defense that she just MUST be correct.

“Oddly, at least four women who say they received cease and desist letters appear to have been removed from the group on August 18, while the women who sent the complaint were allegedly allowed to remain.”

“ Do it in private during office hours”

I’d actually advise that she bring a friend along, to document/verify the incident, and to let Prof. Horndog know that someone other than this particular student knows about his behavior. Guarantee she’s not the first student he’s done this with.  

My mother in law has a very generic black bag, and so she puts a very ostentatious piece of yellow yarn on the handle. It’s easier to spot across the baggage claim area, and nobody else will take it since they know they don’t have an ostentatious piece of yellow yarn on their bag.

Fair enough, but even many of those bad things are probably pretty fucking cool.

“There are a crapload of things we simply don’t know about this universe we live in.”

Goddam I’m SO close to a good joke about finally getting my wife to go to Uranus, but it’s not quite right....

I could care less about her, but her dad, Dennis, is one of the main villains currently destroying Portland (OR’s) housing stock and converting a lot of nice small old buildings to shittily build and clumsily designed (if you can even call them “designed) apartment buildings that favor the “stack-a-prole” architecture…

“my mother has a personal hatred for her that I’ve never been able to understand.”

Yeah, it’s a huge scam. The kids don’t buy the cards in the first place so they have no idea what a credit is worth, they don’t stop and look at the games to figure out how many credits each game costs, and the card technology makes it the easiest thing in the world to just start another game. Before you know it, that…

Oh man, I’ve been to a few kids’ parties at Dave & Busters. Worst place ever.

There is literally one a few blocks from my house.

I’ve got two kids, 10 and 8, so have been to my share of parties at arcades in recent years, and if there is one trend I *hate* it is the disappearance of games that take actual coins/tokens, and now everything is done w/ credits on a card. Each game costs a different amount to play, the kids have no real…

I’ve never understood why movie theaters don’t go with the Costco “volume > pricing” model and cut ticket prices AND food prices just to get more people in the door. If you have 100 people paying $7/ticket, you make more money than 50 people paying $10/ticket. Similarly with food. Instead they seem to be going with…

Hey, I am from Portland, and was just in Madras yesterday. I’m glad to hear you’ll be visiting to stimulate our state’s economy, but, seriously, be forewarned that Madras is SMALL and twenty cars on the same stretch of road at the same time is considered gridlock, and gums everything up. Definitely give yourself 3x…

I drive a ton for work, and as such I can say with supreme confidence that the person arrested for driving this car is going to be a white male, age between 28 and 32 years, widely known to his colleagues and acquaintances as a complete d-bag.

Guarantee he “doesn’t like Trump but I voted for him because at least he says what he thinks.” (In other words he’s exactly like every idiot I know on FB who refuses to admit that he likes Trump but manages to parrot, nearly verbatim, every GOP talking point about Hillary.)

I was just sort of assuming that the dudes driving the truck were in on it.

Not only insisted on a prenup, but insisted the entire time that it was for *her* protection, not his.