Holy shit.

Was there a pillow fight involved? Was your wife confessing that she wasn’t sure how to make out with guys, and Jenna offered to give her some pointers? I’m just assuming that real life works the same as “those” movies, right??

When Paul Ryan slashes her Medicare, Racist Granny will use her savings to buy Sean Hannity’s latest book telling her that it was George Soros’s fault.

I doubt it—he probably would have been shot by the responding police officers.

Other countries are going to suspect that Trump is an elaborate practical joke to get back at them for making fun of Bush for being a dumbass.

Wanted to update with this info, because so many people gave you shit for (correctly) diagnosing the fans as Trump supporters. Per ProFootballTalk:

What happens when an unstoppable force (Sage Northcutt in full apple-ripping mode) meets an immovable object (Honeycrisp apple)?

Um, perhaps that every corporation with even the foggiest notion of a clue is now going to be extremely motivated to cook up some overseas interest so they can get the POTUS to personally intervene and send buckets of money their way. All of which will result in much lower corporate tax receipts, already some of the…

He’s also “respected around the league” (seriously, any article about him will say this, or words to that effect) because he’s been on the rules committee or some such. My guess is that his owner was just so distracted over the past few seasons, including this one, about moving to LA that he just couldn’t be bothered…

George Brett thinks both of these losers can just fuck off.

“Looks normal to me!”

“The Browns did share five follow-up emails that they received from people who attended the event, in which they thanked the organizers and expressed interest in staying in touch regarding possible job opportunities.”

I am saying something stupid.

The losing candidate is always the best candidate on paper in the primaries. Hillary, Kerry, Gore, McCain, Romney. The winning candidate is the one people (who vote for him or her) can form a positive opinion of in about 5 seconds. Bill Clinton, Bush, Obama, Trump (gulp).

Believing that what is simple for you is simple for others is the very definition of white privilege.

This sounds like the letter a celebrity would leave at his muffler shop. “Ya see that, Vin? Coach says we’re the best muffler shop in town! You get it how he says “I like the SOUND of that?” Because mufflers! Ah shit, Vin, you never get anything.”

Proving yet again that the state of Texas is just the fucking worst.

Shit, I’ve been in some jury pools in Portland...not federal grand juries, but still. TERRIFYING. There are some dumb fucking people out there, and it is flat-out scary to think about them being on a jury for something serious. Not everyone, of course, and most of the people on the jury are great, but it only takes…

In reading that story, I was struck by the absurdity of executing someone and then immediately taking them for an autopsy. “Hey, doc! We just killed this guy with a very specific mixture of deadly chemicals, and now we need you to cut open his chest cavity and run a check on all his organs to figure out how he died.”

OMG someone make a reality show of his life.