Can’t

“I like people who didn’t get tripped”

How young are kids raping now a days that they need a booster?

NOW HEARING: CAAAAASE NUUUMBER TWO NINE FIVE OOOOOOOOHHH SIX TWO, THE STATE VS. RIIIIIIIIICK TROOOOTTER

Hand jobs are awesome, and if you think they’re just for teenagers, it’s because your woman (or man) has got no skills.

Here is a comprehensive list:

I think Gawker employees get fined for every article they write that doesn’t include a paragraph of Trump bashing.

Vin Scully isn’t for everybody. That would be socialism.

Getting two extra bases because someone doesn’t know what’s going on is called “The Stanford Swimmer.”

If you don't vote for doormat salesman, fuck you.

Sadly, animal heaven is just a zoo in human heaven.

Billy Corgan is a horrifying piece of shit. But, man, from 1990 through 1995 (some would argue through 2000... and I may be one of those people), he was untouchable and so goddamn prolific. There is a lot to dig through there, and almost all of it is very good to great.

His behind-the-ears tattoo signifies that he’s killed a career.

Well he certainly didn’t turn himself into a NFL QB.

04/27/2016:

D’Angelo Russell is such an asshole.

I don’t think Brett Favre saying “I’m Brett Favre bitch. Go fuck yourself” repeatedly to Aaron Rodgers really counts as “learning time.”

“I sold your mom to ISIS for a Chipotle gift card” made me laugh so hard

“It went terribly.”

Can't you sum this up in a slide show or something?