This is so funny yet sad that I wanted to comment just to have it bookmarked to send to an ombudsman. Journalism, in general, has gone down in quality over the last 20 years, but ESPN is exceptionally brutal.

It’s almost as if people die all the time every year...

And people laughed at me for not dropping him from my fantasy team.

This is certainly the dumbest “Westbrook is MVP” column you guys have written so far. Obviously all players have different strengths and weaknesses, and Lowe covered those strengths and weaknesses for each of the MVP candidates. If you pick out the passages where he talks about Kawhi’s weaknesses, then it will…

Zach Lowe is smarter than you.

This is the best answer, I wouldn’t kill myself right away but I would see how things played out for a couple years with Ivanka.

Fuck Tommi, marry Ivanka, kill Casey.

You clicked on Jeff Teague.

“A sandwich!”

The incentive is in Jack Eichel’s contract because he’s still on his entry level and making the maximum for that contract. The incentive gives the team a chance to pay him closer to what he’s worth.

“...(long suffering) fans in the Bronx...”

This example is terrible.

There’s a series of FAA regulations called the “Sterile Cockpit Rules” https://asrs.arc.nasa.gov/publications/directline/dl4_sterile.htm which are designed to minimize distractions when pilots are taxiing, taking off and landing, so that the people on board are safe. This includes minimizing…

Unless they get the say-so from the pilot, no flight attendant is going to want you to wander around while the seatbelt sign is on. The law says the pilot can’t move that plane during takeoff, landing, or on the surface, if everyone isn’t in their seats. So by letting you get up and walk around, they’re committing…

I, too, liked Alex Jones’ earlier work, before he went commercial

Alex Jones is Bill Hicks, WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

He gives a lot of shits about Seve. He’s a huge reason why he started playing golf. That narrative got killed today but it’s still a part of the story.

Let’s not get too excited until we find out tomorrow if a fan calls in a penalty

Real question: How long do they allow the whole team and bench to run around like idiots? The clock is running so why doesn’t the ref restart play?

There’s a really weird disconnect going on with people who think we need prison and sentencing reform but also want to see a whole bunch of new zero tolerance policies applied to offenders forever.

Stop spending on the job time dreaming up flowery prose for your next deadspin comment and you might make a happy hour here and there!