I don’t interpret is as the poster mocking her, but rather mocking the judicial system (especially involving a football player in Norman, OK).

Courtney J. Thornton, issued the statement using her name, which is why Deadspin is identifying her.

It bobbles. That’s kind of like vibrating, right? No? Oh.. Nevermind then.

He’s an American treasure.

PFTCommentor is the voice of reason...while still entirely being in character. 2017 is so fucking weird

the vibrator was not about sex

A signed Warren Sapp bobble head?

Can’t make this stuff up.

Seriously. I wouldn’t pay that much for sex toys to inappropriately give to my closest friends.  

$169 (nice) is way too much to pay for a vibrator for a coworker. I usually go with something cheaper.

You can’t really blame a knuckleballer for something like this. When he throws the punch, he has no idea where it will end up.

You don’t get arrested for a verbal argument. Interfering with a 911 call means he ripped the phone away from his wife while she was calling 911.

Since there’s no professional athlete named Mitch Hedberg I’m just gonna leave this here:

I put some spot remover on my dog; now he’s gone.

I met a guy with wooden legs and real feet. And I asked if he knew what time it was, and he said “Yeah, but not now”.

Who’s disgusting baseball chin is this?

I bought powdered water, but don’t know what to add.

. . . domestic-related assault and prevention of a 911 call . . .

He also broke a mirror. He’s supposed to get seven years bad luck, but his lawyer thinks he can get him five.