Also I’d be fascinated to see what he actually looks like once all his makeup and hair-shaping products aren’t available to him for at least a few days. It takes a lot of work to make him look pretty fucking gross, imagine him au naturale.

Oh christalmighty. Watch him decide to have a heart attack now. We’ll never hear the end of it.

You forgot Soros! The Right’s favorite Jewish boogeyman. 

Campaign finance fraud is a nice appetizer. I’m waiting for the main course of treasonous insurrection with official secrets act violations for dessert.

“It appears Bragg is set to win the prize for being the first elected official to charge Trump for one of his many alleged crimes.”

So, perp walk... Yay or nay?

Seems he’ll be going to prison precisely because he has a hard time letting teenagers go.

Imagine being SO INSECURE that you blow up your whole criminal enterprise because you can’t let a comment from a teenager go?

If they actually manage to get Trump in court for anything it’ll be taking those documents home. This shit’s already dragged on longer than Watergate even though Trump’s crimes aren’t nearly as well hidden as Nixon’s.

“Pretty damning stuff, but what does that mean legally for the ex-President?”

Also literally how we found out about Pete Davidson (allegedly.) Ariana Grande was the one who spilled the beans there.

I mean that’s what one partner says about him, yeah.

This just in - normal-looking dude who’s also funny is dating woman. MUST HAVE A GIANT SHLONG AMIRITE?!

“It vaguely reminds me of his fellow Saturday Night Live alum Pete Davidson’s own approach to romance” - which is literally the exact opposite approach.

Comedians tend to date well. It’s not like funny doesn’t play well with women who aren’t celebrities. By this logic Colin Jost must have a big ol dick too.

It’s really weird that the only reason anyone seems to be able to come up with for celebrities dating other celebrities is “GUY MUST HAVE A MONSTER HOG!”

I was wondering if someone got the reference.  Thank you for giving me an excuse to haul out that deep cut.

It is if you operate under Timecop physics, so I’d allow it.

There was a time, maybe 2 years ago or so, when I would have considered Trump taking classified documents home to be 1) not shocking at all, 2) probably a result of carelessness, or 3) part of his weird affinity for mementos. Or maybe 4) to assure himself that he is still president, as if possession of those documents…

Tweet 9: If a douchebag shakes the hand of another douchebag, does the physics kill them off  by having the same object occupying the same space?