Major D1 football teams like Clemson have an entire separate dining facility overseen by professional sports nutritionists and dietitians who design menu plans for each individual player. It’s light-years away from standard college dorm food. These guys probably haven’t seen a Big Mac since football season started. 

Nah, no one in that family could spot an actual, valuable heirloom with a magnifying glass. They’d take all the fake tacky shit and think it was klassy! Distract them with faux gold baubles and then disinfect the joint from stem to stern!

Because most of the White House staff has been furloughed, the dignity and gravitas of one of the most hallowed buildings on earth has been reduced to this.

Dude hasn’t even come up with a plan with what to do with the money he’s been asking for. Chuck and Nancy have asked a couple of times what he wants to do with the money and haven’t been able to get an answer. Chances are he sees this more as another money laundering scheme than an actual thing that gets put on the…

The Mooch is going to appear on Celebrity Big Brother.

Whenever the Trump family is ejected from the WH they need to be thoroughly searched to make sure none of those heirlooms disappear with them.

Wait, he really fucking did that shit? Served them fast food? Fast food that has just been sitting out there in an empty room? And they’re supposed to find that appetizing? I read he was suggesting it, but I just thought it was more blather and that someone would tell him that, as athletes, they have the services of a…

It’s a Fast Food Extravaganza!!! 

A border wall would divide the Native American Tohono o’odham tribe n Arizona.

Oh, good grief — the man has a hotel, stocked with probably some of the best chefs DC has to offer, and who are probably really not busy because of the fact that they’re stuck in that hotel whose name is keeping business away. You could funnel money towards those guys and give the Clemson team a decent dinner, AND…

She’s not on camera for literate people, she’s performing for an audience of one, so she uses words that her boss understands.

I used to think she was Tomi Lahren visiting from a couple of weeks in the future.

“I just got back and it is a far worse situation than almost anyone would understand, an invasion!”

Do not try and find the bottom. That’s impossible.

I am a gay man. When I was in college I had one-night stand with a fellow collegian.

I’m confused- if semen is so great for women, why are chodes like this always telling us to keep our legs closed?

It was his cousin Bandersnatch Cummerbund.

Read the headline and thought it was referring to Benedict Cumberbatch. Was more than confused about why Black Mirror would go after him. Ive seen so many stupid nicknames for that guy Ive literally tilted my head trying to figure out who was being written about.

Donald Trump does NOT know the word “intransigence” 

There is a 0% chance, Trump knows the word “intransigence.”