We don’t have solar farms here in the US because of turtles and cactus protection laws.

The best one I’ve ever gotten

You kids and your damn photographs. Why, back in my day, when we want a picture, we first have to collect the pigments to make our own paint, then we’ll draw on the cave walls. While fending off saber-toothed cats.

You kids and your damn Photoshop. Why back in my day we had to take a razor to the negative if we wanted to “shop” a photograph.

Assuming you really want to know the answer, the reason is because of their strict food quality standards. All of their beef and veggie sources are in the Western US, and because they feel that shipping beef/veggies distances greater than the states they’re in now is bad for quality, they don’t do it.

This was 1998, so I was 19, right in that prime age of being an asshole. Every year my mom and I, not having any family in the area, trudged all the way to suburban D.C., where my cousins lived. Right before dinner my cousins told me that there wasn’t any more room at the adults table and that I had to sit at the kids…

While back on break from college, I went out on the annual Black Wednesday barcrawl and don’t recall leaving the bars. I woke up at 7am on my family room floor in a bathing suit. Apparently, I had come home at 2am, kicked in my little sister’s door and tried to sleep in her bed. I was coerced out of room by my mother,…

Submitted on behalf of the Eagles starting quarterback.

John Oliver will probably eventually do a monologue on it. That will make it a more accessible topic.

Hell, I think I’d like to try out some of these tools on certain family and friends after certain major political and/or world events. Just for a week or so. Like this week, for example.

Not just the Bullitt Mustang, but any 60’s mustang. In my opinion it is hands down one of the best car designs, ever. It’s incredibly balanced and it has just the right amount of aggressive and just big enough hips. It doesn’t look furious like the majority of new cars. It just looks amazing.

I mean, you can’t really confuse this turd burglar with anything else. I guess that’s the one nice thing you can say about it.

The mini cooper is pretty much universally recognized.