I announced my selection for prom the same way.

That thing where you really just wanted to tell everyone that you wrestle.

I know you go by the name of “Paul”, but I’m just going to call you “Dipshit”. Hey, Dipshit, how’s it going?

What’s the matter? I’m simply not respecting your decision on how you represent yourself, Dipshit. If you object, Dipshit, it means you’re against freedom of speech. Dipshit.

I clicked play. I saw that it was 8 minutes. I clicked pause. I thought to myself, “Fuck it, I trust Redford.” I clicked play.

Shockingly, we have these things called “laws” which regulate what people can do, and—I know this is the kind of thing that may surprise you—sexual harassment is what’s known as “illegal.”

he was a “great captain” because every front-running mouth-breather who grew up in the 90's couldn’t wait to hitch their wagon to the next marketable “star”

“The 2017 and 2018 seasons will be part of the Flames’ transition to FBS.”

“The 2017 and 2018 seasons will be part of the Flames’ transition to FBS.”

Whoa now, we gotta take these things in stride. We’re still concentrating on how we’ll live through another week. We don’t have the resources to work ahead more than a few days, maybe a couple weeks.

I know you Trumpettes love fake facts, but Trump lose the popular vote, so...less than half.

“more than half of us”

First Ballghazi now this? I can’t believe how much these sports leagues hate Boston and constantly conspire against them because they are jealous. Now, please read my 5,000 word piece on how Isaiah Thomas is better than LeBron James.

This is something I completely understand. As a kid who played keeper in HS soccer, I used to always act injured after I shit the bed on a save.

Caps would’ve won if not for all the Penguin’s ILLEGAL GOALS. So many bad goals allowed by terrible (or sick) reffs! VERY UNFAIR !

Caps don’t get out of the second round? That’s the first normal thing that’s happened in DC since Inauguration Day...

the Capitals never woke up, and their offseason came earlier than they expected once again

Why would Ryan need to commission a portrait of himself as a centaur?

Let’s be fair. Are you an idiot because you chose the Mets, or did you choose the Mets because you were already an idiot?

always found it weird how Sale was so broken up over adam laroche’s son but i guess he was upset that it meant now he was the biggest fucking baby in the clubhouse

Caps fans are the worst