"Kid, for the last time, there's no such thing as Fake Matthew Broderick. Just move the damn can."

See, I don't know- I've always suspect that straight McCormack convincingly playing gay and gay NPH convincingly playing straight on long-running sitcoms did a lot to shatter the stereotype of the unimpeachable gaydar. You can't always tell, because gay isn't just like black- it's not always right there visibly in…

I have a friend like that. She's very dear to me but I know better than to ever send her money or have her stay at my house. She was an "experimental artist" of vaguely Helena-Bonham-Carter-in-Fight-Cub style; she would hook herself up to an oxygen tank or an IV drip for the aesthetics, and she'd bake cupcakes with…

And then see Zoo! Nothing says family fun like a horse fucking a man to death! Christmas!

You heard it here first, folks: Lisette C. Duncan killed and ate her own family.

Forever and for always, Summon Bear with Lute.

Especially in "Scrooged," where he is bludgeoned, frozen, shot and cremated before the end; and "Disney's A Christmas Carol," where he has to survive being shrunken as well.

You heard it here first, folks: Kevin McAllister killed and ate his own family.

None of the injuries from "Silent Night Deadly Night?" I'm curious if you could actual impale someone with a toy archery set, or if a kid on a sled can be cleanly decapitated with a single axe swing.

Misread as Brothel. Still works.

The urban legend at the time was that she joined a convent just to try and have sex with nuns, then escaped and torched the convent to the ground. The novel tones down the tall-tale and trickster elements of this adventure; instead, it portrays Julie as bisexual but homoromantic, attempting to free her pious and…

"Doh-nald Trump. Yah village is schitt."

Hulk and Tom Arnold are going to perform their own rendition of "N***a N***a N***a" from Tha Glock-Umentary (better known as the Gary the Rapping Snail song).

I spent a summer in high school with a touring glee club, and wound up singing the lead on "Be Our Guest." My French accent got slightly broader every week, beginning tastefully in June and being nearly incomprehensible by the start of September.

Ever wanna mess with a word-for-word biblical literalist? This is a fun one Catholics have done to mess with Evangelicals in the past- show them a mustard seed and a smaller seed, like the ones produced by an orchid. Ask them which seed is smaller. Remind them that Jesus explicitly said that the mustard seed is the…

2 Broke Girls isn't good TV writing, but it's decent at what it is: half an hour of nearly-plotless excuses for drag queen "shade comedy," written by Justin Sayre and other members of the Ball lifestyle, but put into the mouths of ugly men and beautiful women instead of drag queens. You know, so as not to shock…

It's certainly the plot of the "one-man freak show" in The Phantom Tollbooth, where Milo and Tock visit the world's tallest midget, smallest giant, fattest thin man, and thinnest fat man, and they're all one perfectly average man.

If you're comfortable giving her something with heavy sexual themes and tones but nothing too explicit, try "Goddess," by Kelly Gardiner. It's a fictional autobiography of Julie D'Aubigny, Madame de Maupin. She was the first rock star of sorts: an eighteenth-century female opera singer, duelist, adventurer, socialite…

"Sugar Sugar," as remixed by Angelo Badalamenti feat. Julee Cruise.

I'm so impressed with mankind that both those songs exist.