I would like to recommend the British adjective "rinkle-tinkle," which, though intended to imply chintzy charm, tends to imply both urination and an unpleasant TEXTURE to said urination.

When my mother grew up in Ecuador, she was part of a large family that was "aristocratic" by descent but shit poor by American standards. Her siblings had a cruel and ironic sense of humor (which she inherited and passed down to me), and loved thinking up the most vicious pranks they could.

Do you do the call-and response song?

I avoid cutting onions because I don't want to deal with the tears; both because it's annoying while cooking, and because I haven't cried since I was eleven, and I worry that a biological imperative to shed tears will break down a psychological barrier, resulting in sixteen years of repressed emotions pouring to the…

Burn the pretzels a little for the best possible texture at the bottom of your pretzel casserole- if you do it right, they'll almost caramelize.

A good ham can indeed be a centerpiece; my family traditionally does a horseradish-garnished prime rib and some kind of gourmet baked macaroni and cheese as our Christmas centerpieces.

Specifically, a Texas Chainsaw type.

Carnage, the Scrivener. He would prefer not to let you live.

LMM does twitchy weirdos well. Imagine if the Carnave version of the Venom symbiote, which has an urge to maim and reproduce, latched on to a damaged mind with OCD, and developed the compulsion to constantly maim and constantly reproduce…

The real nightmare was for those of us who played both an Easington, County Durham coal miner, and the Bethnal Green Londoners bussed in to serve as scabs or riot guards. There's a montage number called "Solidarity" in which the two sides taunt each other and eventually erupt into violence. Anyone singing offstage had…

Fooked if I kneh!

Yeah, up-north accents are hard. I just did "Billy Elliot," which involved about ninety people learning both a Geordie accent and a Cockney bruiser accent.

I narrated "Rocky Horror" this past year, and on nights when the audience wasn't terribly interactive, I would have to stall onstage to provide time for scene or costume changes. One of my favorite time-wasters was to lapse into an Andrew Lincoln impression, which would get long laughs simply from "Corall…"…

I tend to shoot more towards "late period Malcolm McDowell doing Mad Mod on Teen Titans." A little more drawl, really overly flat/overly sharp vowels. "Gaing sumwheh, moiy dackyyy?"

See: Crispin Glover in Beowulf.

It sounds half like Chicago, and half like Richard Gere in "Chicago."

He's growing more piratey season by season. In the finale, he'll just show up saying, "Yarr, it be I, Cap'n Lil'finger, with me ship, the Maiden Faire."

When I took my gender studies course, the professor singled me and the other men in the class out and told us, "statistically, you're either a former rapist or a future rapist. If you haven't yet, you will."

People forget the sad statistic: when a black man kills a black man, nobody bats an eye. When a white man kills a white man, it makes the local news for a bit. When a murder crosses the race line, the country SHUTS THE FUCK DOWN.

We're reaching the point where a citizen is more likely to get shot and killed by a white middle-aged man than… not.