Excuse me. Please refer to my future King by his proper title.

This is actually me.

Rarely do the sexy times. Both of us have pretty low libidos in part because of varying medications we use. Also my vagina is a tempermental piece of work. It really is a special experience when you both think you'd like to have sex but both of your bodies refuse to respond and you give up and turn on the daily Law &…

Agreed. I've had horrible UTIs and I always pee after sex.

Oh man. I thought the second spreadsheet was hilarious. And then I read the part about "disintegrating marriage" and I feel bad. :(

:(

I just burst out laughing. I'm sorry. ._______.

STOP IT. YOUR ELBOWS ARE GOING TO GET FAT.

I feel like they're running out of places to shame people for being fat. Has anyone been accused of having fat ears yet?

I will definitely buy some elbow fat affirming bars of soap!

I have fat knees too. I don't know if they're related. Even when I'm my version of "fit" I have fat puddles above my joints.

Shit. I have elbow fat.

Ugh, sorry if you read the first thing I wrote, work is putting me in a bad mood. I'm glad you like your Lululemon clothes, I really am.

I would be interested in that - I also have heavy legs and can't wear biker shorts because they just look like underwear. Pfft.

SO MUCH SMUGNESS

I have never gotten a "bad haircut", but my hair still sucks. It's thick and frizzy and half of it is gray and it doesn't even matter if my haircut is shitty because it's unnoticeable due to the general puffiness anyway. Who can I throw a chair at?

Me too. Now I just need to get a Benz so I can wear that blue polish!

(whoops double post)

Here's Volvo's contribution!

o. m. f. g. please