Coming soon to a Rick Reilly column near you.

@TracyHamandEggs: Didn't there used to be a "Shea Guevara" around here? I wonder what uprising he's currently leading.

@Jay Cutler's Insulin: You could write a grumpy, long-winded rant about the quality of some of the comments. Shockingly, that actually works.

@Business_Socks: And don't forget to have your tits spayed and neutered. Umm, pets.

When did CNN become the Morning Zoo?

@Katni: As luck would have it, my greasy mane is only Outshined by my sweaty torso.

@Business_Socks: Chris Cornell.

I know it's been said before, by people far more sophisticated and articulate than me, but fuck Family Guy.

Hey barber, just give me the usual. Yeah, the KiperTrump.

That game was so exciting, even Travis Roy got up out of his chair and cheered.

@Business_Socks: Shawn Kemp was a vicious dunker.

@CoolHwhip: Since tonight's DUAN post references a Metallica lyric, can I "Kill 'em All?"

@Encouraging Referee Pitman: I usually prefer brunettes, but I'd like to connect the dots on Ms. Palicki's face.

@Encouraging Referee Pitman:

@Saberhagendaaz: I used to live in Atlanta, and probably lost power 3 or 4 times/year. Goes with the territory, I guess.

I would just like to say, I am incredibly excited for tonight's season finale of Friday Night Lights.

Hey, John. How much for the bottle of Popov?

But what did Jeter's ex-girlfriend wear to the Oscars? Inquiring minds want to know.

@lecoqsportif: INVIZABUL goes with everything.

So when the authorities eventually show up at my house, I can just tell them the 12 teenage girls in my basement are my volleyball team?