Hey, I've got a new working theory on what happened to Malaysian Airlines 370.

Russian teen, seen in dashcam footage dangling 350 feet above the ground off a partially-completed building while beneath him a car is flipped upside-down when its tires get caught in downed power lines, electrocuting the driver in mid-air: "Strip bars are irresponsible."

I found the perfect candidate for the Chernobyl location!

"No, you don't get it," Edson told the arresting officers. "Those bags are symbols. They stand for bombs."

[drops vape pen, dons fedora] quick! to Reddit!

"I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the mannnn.

Here's one too.

Never woulda happened at the University of Discreet Falls.

and ignorant idiots would have their tongues and fingers removed to spare the rest of us from their stupidity.

"Some girls like to party."*

That's what happens when a bar has lax security.

In Oxford, MS, this is simply known as "paying respects to Faulkner."

Just like the old saying goes: "'I' before 'E' except after 'C' and don't you dare put a motherfucking 'K' after that shit either or I'll murder the fuck outta you."

Sullivan's final wish is to be buried in a convoluted plot.

Race organizers brought Phillips Head screwdrivers to disassemble the sulkies, but after seeing the horses they decided on flat heads instead.

I was going to write a big piece about how the entire system is corrupt because it's taking value from both athletes and students by creating the idea that athletics is more important than being a functioning human being, but you know what?

Afraid that Rob might not score, Sharp was really just swooping in for his signature wraparound.

Goddammit, Excel!

I think we've overestimated the average Deadspin reader here, Barry, by assuming he or she knows what a joke looks like.

only two spots behind the Dalai Lama