Here you go.

Never go full Fieri.

Too right, the whole interview is gold. I loved this:

And on the Seventh Day, He looked at a menu and chose an item because he liked the ingredients. He ordered it, and it was good.

30 Dirty Tricks to Heat Up Your Voting Booth! (Hint: at least two involve ice cubes.)

“His favorite part about his woman is that she doesn’t know how beautiful she is. (Hmm, where have we heard that before?)”

I greatly dislike any news outlet referring to any act of forced or coerced rape as regular terms for consesual sex.

Can we not call two people raping another person a theesome? Jesus.

Why of course? Is it because he played hockey or works at a financial firm?

I find her insufferable. She seems like such a self-absorbed asshole. She would make another person’s cancer diagnosis about her own journey. Forget about pesky husband #2. I hope he and Husband #1 team up to write a book about what a phony narcissist she is.

I don’t think these people read the book.

The cynical part of me assumed that's one of the things that attracted her to this relationship (an expiration date)

The book was about gluttony in Italy, praying in an ashram in India (to the wrong God!!!11!), and then having a ton of adulterous sex with the hottie from Bali- in what universe was this woman ever an Evangelical Christian mascot?

Gurl, I like how you think except Hiddles was already to old and too broke off for the role.

my conspiracy theory is that idris elba and t.swift are working together to bring down hiddleston to clear the way for elba bond.

The good die young.

A) Yes you can rape your wife and be charged with rape. This is not the 1970s. Where did Cohen get his degree in MRA U?

It sounds like you spent more time than it was required to tell a bunch of people on the internet that you don’t actually know anyone famous.

I heard something from Aimee Mann that I really liked, along the lines of “people are entitled to dislike you, and their reason why is none of your business.” Maybe a person is shallow and only talks to models; maybe you have an uncanny resemblance to someone who bullied him/her as a kid. As long as someone isn’t…

My advice, free of charge: If you’re planning a murder-suicide, just reverse the order. You’ll never know the difference.