Lombardi's announcement confuses me most of all, as I'm not seeing any organization in Cleveland anywhere.

Being an officer on Darth Vader's ship offers more job security than being a Cleveland Browns executive.

Perhaps a collaborative effort is in order. For example, Hansen could try to pop and lock it and Kennedy could just fucking drop it.

he'd rather she do something more "sport-specific"

Normally, this would come as a complete shock. But for Charlie Villanueva, it didn't even raise an eyebrow.

Wilson I think will handle this fine. Seems very open minded. Rivers on the other hand seems like he'd be in the KKK if he lived 50 years ago.

People are making a big deal out of this because it's literally never happened before.

Doing it before the draft is so damned fantastic. It's a virtual dare to all the GM's in the NFL. Rough guess, as the 9th best DE prospect, that'd put him in the 3rd or 4th round or so. He's staring down the NFL and forcing them to take a stance. Can't applaud this enough.

Elton John: Don't worry, Michael, it gets bett-

Lorenzen - Questionable (cankle)

When asked about his post-football career, Jared said he was looking forward to crossing things off his bucket list, most notably the 96 piece one from KFC.

Toto told to 'go back to Africa' for encore.

Chernobyl.

This whole PED witch hunt is just getting out of control. Now, they're putting asterisks on the Olympics before the damn thing even starts!

The Reason To Love Joakim Noah

Heidi: Dad, am I still an Olympian?

God, those Russians are so incompetent. How are they going to get her to the hospital without a 3rd person to aim the slingshot?

I'm glad someone understands that "attached itself to the woman's face" is distinct from "started to attack her." I'll be sending this to that sassy librarian with whom I had a brief misunderstanding.

OFFICIAL: "Underdogs? Where?!"

"It would be a lot better if we had decent forerunners but that's always been an issue on our tour."