America hates Duke so much that they didn't even include them on this map of teams that made the Sweet Sixteen in 2014.

Exsqueeze me, I don't talk about your private life on here. Please treat me with the same respect/lend me some money, THANKS.

Caffeine vs Xanax, I just can't. ........ its atrocious. ...

Fucking idiots. Everyone from St. Louis knows that rules aren't supposed to be written.

It's okay though: they're doing segregation the Right Way.

When I was in college I was sitting in the back seat of the bus on one of the first days of the year, and this towering african american with sad eyes and a pile of dreadlocks stacked on top of his head got on after me. The dreadlocks brushed the ceiling of the bus so after a few steps he stooped slightly to gain…

I was working in San Antonio on a project when I passed my ex-girlfriend's sister, who was in town for a volleyball tournament. We both lived in Illinois at the time. I got the twofer "what the hell are you doing here" and "awkward small talk with an ex's sister." Horrible. She looked hot, though.

Worse, if you went 5 years in the future and the world was a smoldering ruin.

The only time I ever went to Asia, I was walking down some main street in Bangkok and looked across the street and there was a friend from my dinky home town. Neither of us knew the other was going to Bangkok. Sometimes the magic just works.

I'd just like to point out that faces were melted in Raiders by the holiest of terrors, not an unholy terror.

Easily. Don't have kids and just live like there's no tomorrow. But I guess if you were unfortunate enough to already have kids that could be bad.

Umm you clearly didn't get it. The Almanac was a terrible thing. It ruined everything. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

As President, you're allowed to dedicate at least one percent of your duties to whimsy. You have no choice. Have you SEEN what that job does to people? Those guys age 50 years after 10 days in office. Obama looks like SHIT now, just like Bush II looked like shit for eight straight years. They look like someone…

How depressing would it be if you went just 50 years in the future and the world was a smoldering ruin? Then you'd know your kids and/or grandkids are fucked, how could you live with that?

I was once in New York on business from Columbus, OH. We were staying at the Helmsley near Times Square. As we went out that night to get some dinner, I saw a woman that looked exactly like my mom. She was with a man that looked exactly like my dad. As we passed, I said, "Mom?" She looked at me like I had just come…

Has Seth never heard of Laffy Taffy? It never fails that there is waaaaaaay more banana Laffy Taffy in a bag than any other flavor.

Falling off a cliff into the mouths of waiting alligators?

The only thing worse than banana runts is banana Laffy Taffy (Note: All Laffy Taffy is shitty, but banana flavored is the goddamned worst.)

With regard to Indiana Jones Deaths, you forgot getting caught in a rock crusher and getting crushed to death, from Temple of Doom. That had to be unpleasant.

Nasty horrible AND nasty? Your taste in food is as well-rounded as your vocabulary.