When your team of teenagers is physically restraining you and calming you down, it’s time to maybe re-prioritize some things.

First thing I thought when I saw that header image:

“Got my college ring today...”

As an amateur runner of marginally competitive spirit, I can say with confidence, do not pull shit like this, because we will expose you in painstaking detail. Just look at this damn article. Murders don’t get this kind of forensic rigor. Distance running is a time consuming hobby that encourages obsessive tracking.…

Photo of IGC agents’ pursuit of Jones has surfaced:

I worked for years with a prominent white supremacist, and when he was outed and fired, we all wondered whether the company had done its diligence through the hiring process. I’m not an HR professional, but the reality was that he espoused some pretty violent beliefs about Jewish people, and he worked very closely…

I was Wayne Chrebet’s nose in college. I left his face and formed a life of my own, eventually outranking him on the depth chart. 

Wonder which one won the loud one at One Loudoun.

Aside from the whole cringey-at-best race thing, how absurd must your sense of self-importance be that you go around reporting felonies, then just walk away like, “Welp, just saved a life and put some human traffickers in jail there.” 

*Pomeranz

The kick to the ribs, put Jordan back on, don grey hood move.

Of everything, what bothers me the most is this:

So that’s where Pavel Datsyuk is. 

Oh, not critiquing the wording at all. Just curious as to whether I remembered that correctly. I need to watch more tennis. 

...then hit a deceptive ball back into the same corner, forcing Serena to rapidly change directions. ... She was left flat-footed as she tried to stretch for the next shot.

It got much, much worse when Jackie Bradley Jr.—one of the weakest hitters in the Red Sox lineup—came up to bat.

Same. 

NAH HERE COMESA PIZZUR

Hey Albert,
The Comments Section has been giving you a hard time lately as the resident Deadspin “Ol’ Mellifluous,” but I wanted to say that I liked this a lot. I know one white dude complimenting the work of another white dude is a little antithetical to the thesis here, but I like your recent writing. Keep it up.

I’d call that a squib. Thoughts?