We need a solid roundup of other shit Chipper Jones has said to really contextualize just how conservative a person can be while remaining cognizant of common fucking sense.

I play in a band, and we regularly test the viability of songs by just wrapping an iPhone in a sweatshirt and recording a practice take. If the song’s shit, it won’t pass the test.

Re: Your link, that actually looks like a pretty great game. A’s jump out to a 5-0 lead, but Odell Jones settles down (and ends up going 8.2!), Mariners come back to tie it in the 7th, but the A’s walk off with two out in the 9th, but not before squandering a leadoff double with a botched sac bunt? Not too shabby.

The other day I heard that horses’ legs are anatomically closer to fingers than they are legs.

Not a joke: I once asked an stool-thusiast coworker not to send me Barstool links. If I’m working under the assumption, at my job, that there’s something that could get me fired on any and every page of their website... I pray for that HR department.

I do this for work. You’re largely right, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that they always like the shitty one. Sometimes they like the same thing you do, but they ask you to tweak it to make it a little shitty.

That’s fair, but I do have to say that defending my fandom and the decency of all my friends does get a little wearying. There are asshole everywhere you go.

Dr. Cappuccino is just Richie Incognito wearing a fake mustache.

David Blaine’s The Steakhouse! It’s getting dusty at work.

Wait, I’m not following part of this:

Just seeing this, but very excited my favorite band got some DUAN love. 

I demand to know how the upstart 9 a.m. edged out grizzled veteran 1 p.m.

Next year I’m naming my fantasy football team “Allentown Dave MAGA”

He just made the biggest move of the offseason so far by getting Dave Cameron from Fangraphs.

Wouldn’t it have been hilarious if The NFL Network turned out to be a bastion of equal respect and integrity that remained unblemished throughout all of this?

Back when he was in Boston, Roger Clemens got cuffed for being disorderly because he tried to get out of a parking ticket at Logan Airport. He said the magic words: “Do you know who I am?”

That’s a hole saw drill bit. It just cuts a uniform hole. If you used a regular drill bit the hole would be all wonky. They’re also superb for expedited pumpkin carving.

Darren Rovell still has a fucking job.

Honest question re: “Level of competition,” do you read this as that old chestnut “compete level,” (i.e. Josh Allen’s personal competitiveness) or the level of skill Josh Allen has encountered in his opponents?

All you need to know is he shot the video response at the band’s merch table.