This would be more entertaining if Darko himself wrote this.

However, Aqua Vulva is my favorite mermaid-themed strip club in the US.

"Tweeted penis" is how the cops described Chris Andersen's attempt to be one with the birds.

@AzureTexan: I can wait hear to him opine about his answer.

A Golden shower of domestic battery, indeed.

So that's where the Winnipeg Jets got the playoff white-out idea from. I see.

OWEN, MACHINE: SEXY.

I guess Carlton Banks now has a crack dance.

Plus, they'll have to deal with all my unpredictable quirks and masochistic editorial style.

I'm actually waiting for the White Men Can't Jump movie sequel, Black Men Don't Pay Taxes.

"Eligible but not 'cleared'" is how Magic Johnson used to describe his relationship status.

I can't wait for the Bobblecock figurine promotion.

@Friedrich_von_Oostenberg: If you are a Red-Headed Stepchild clone, this is actually quite impressive.

@Same Sad Echo: Afroman has a whole Christmas album. Buy it if only for the shock value alone (or go with Twisted Sister Christmas).

Elway probably thought Joakim Noah was a Make-A-Wish kid who got lost.

@FavreFAIL: However Greg Oden is a "confirmed horse dicker".

@Sonar Jose: I've made mistakes, I clearly did, but what I was hoping for was that some other dumbass would get on the front page and take me off the hook. I miss Lane Kiffin.

That police horse's name: David Carr.

@Always Winning: This is like an underwater race between two greyhounds.

"I know that Dick has stolen things from us, probably doesn't give us any credit for it"