He’ll respawn at the hospital in a few anyway.

Wow, the guy really will do anything to avoid writing new pages of Game of Thrones.

In a survey that I paid myself to conduct - 5 out of 5 people at the coffee shop I’m in would rather shoot themselves in the foot than go to a uber-Christian Noah-themed park. #FactsRFacts

Young guy advice: if you dont like it, fuck off.

WHY ISN’T THE WHOLE PLANE MADE OF JUICE

This would be more like if Keurig came with the following instructions:

If that guy had invented a machine that gets the straw into those god-forsaken bags, he’d be a bazillionaire.

If making juice out of juice is so easy then how come everyone’s not doing it?

D.B. Pooper

It’s like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.

I really feel like it’d be inappropriate to consider a SCOTUS nominee in the middle of the campaign like this. We should really wait until the election and let the voice of the American people be heard.

I would say Rodgers is mailing it in, but apparently no one’s received even a birthday card from him in years.

Make no mistake you’re not misunderstood. You’re pitied.

How in the fuck was this post not about this:

John Hodgman should ABSOLUTELY be Trebek’s replacement on Jeopardy.

It makes you wonder what things that we think of as futuristic and good now will ultimately turn out to be moldering dystopian horrors that we tear down or abandon as fast as we can?

I mean, other than the Internet.

I don’t think I get as irrationally angry about anything as I do about clicking (un-labeled) deadcast links. The listicle was invented for a reason.