One of the main reasons I have people over is to make sure I get the house cleaned.

Yeah, evangelicals love this shit. That’s why God’s Not Dead (also known as Straw Man Argument: The Movie) got a sequel. And why Kirk Cameron is still a thing.

Ben-Hurrible.

Our strategy was to not have kids.

I started it when it was released and still have not been able to finish it.

So if someone came into your house and gunned down a guest, and then the family of your guest sued you for not hiring armed guards for your house, you’d go bankrupt rather than do anything to defend yourself? You’d accept the loss of all your money, your home, a good chunk of your prospects for retirement because…

Um...isn’t that already the norm? You can just say “LOL I’m pregnant byeeeee” and peace out? I don’t see anything wrong with having to bring in medical records to prove that you really are pregnant and need time off. Don’t y’all already do that for any other medical condition that requires medical leave?

“Miss Jackson, if you’re namaste”

People who say “mashers” are worse than the people who say “sammich”, but barely. I held Alton Brown in such high regard too. Bummer.

Jesus Tapdancing Christ: “given that the Little Sisters’ third-party healthcare administrator is another religious entity, one called Christian Brothers Services.”

Is there a part in the bible about minding your own business?