Don’t forget the personal lubricants so... I guess your squeaking doors can also be basic. ::giggles::

Hm. Aside from the caviar, I think we’ve seen variations on all of these before.

We really need a better name for “you can spherify basically any liquid with sodium alginate and calcium chloride” than “caviar” when it comes to something from a corporation rather than a chef.

This is the worst take. Geese will fly at and try to peck at your head and can attack in flocks. Try being all calm and collected and just stand there with a gaggle of assholes pecking at your head and eyes.

Two dogs here. Both have been sprayed. It really sucks, but I was the idiot that let them go out at midnight during peak skunk mating season. I don’t fault the skunk.

“Listen here, geese. As the dominant lifeform in this ecosystem, I’m going straight inside to complain about you on the Internet.”

The Canada Goose is objectively bad. It will fuck you up for no better reason than it decides you deserve it.

Jesus. I am laughing against my will but I am also genuinely upset by this joke. This is the perfect dark joke. Goddamnit. Just. Jesus. Just... ugh.

I fancy myself as an amateur birder in that I don’t record birds that I see, but I do like to point them out and note random factoids about them to anyone I am with.

Why, it’s almost like there’s a gawddamned ecosystem out there and that when we fuck with it because we don’t like an ugly thing, it gets replaced by a thing that is not only uglier but makes ya sick to boot!

I signed after not having an account for years just to tell you that you’re a fucking psycho.

Honestly, I was nodding along to this blog until I got to that line, and then I realized I was reading the manifesto of a lunatic. Burneko needs to be institutionalized. 

Got my car washed recently without checking the weather, cause I’m not a nerd, and saw that it was supposed to rain the next morning. So there I am, speeding to work to get under the cover of the indoor garage, when I see a flock of birds standing there in the middle of the street, eating whatever they eat. The clouds…

Birds are good. Did you know that if you give a struggling cancer patient a bird, it magically transforms their cancer from being their number one worst affliction to their number two worst affliction?

Those people would be anybody who happened to be on a grassy lawn when a bunch of Canada geese roll up MS-13 style on you and muscle you out of a lawn. Excuse me, you Tim Horton trash birds? No no, my friend. I am the apex predator. I’ll build a condo right in your breeding ground.

The goose is cool and good until eight of them start chasing you because you happened to be on a walk in the section of the park they all decided to congregate and shit on literally every fucking surface. That’s when the goose can get fucked.