I'm impressed your pet was sneaky about it. When my cat found the cat food, it was obvious because she just tore a cat head-sized hole in the bag and started eating, no attempts at subterfuge. More like, hey! This is mine! I'll just help myself.

Yeah, in college I had a cat that always wanted to lick my hands after I smoked a bowl out of my pipe, and then would plop down in the corner and sleep. I always wondered if that little dude was trying to get a buzz on. I didn't like to blow smoke in her face, though. Felt too rude.

I too lived in both states, but I think Louisiana has more state-hate for Mississippi or Alabama than Texas. Mississippi-hate is more grounded in a superiority complex and inner fear that Louisiana is more like Mississippi than it wants to admit. Alabama hate is more football related due to the Nick Saban incident.

Yeah, pee is the worst. I worked in an ice cream shop in high school and we used to be visited regularly by an older homeless man we called "Urine Man." Don't know what his story was, but it was evident that be peed on himself a lot and never changed his clothes. He reeked of ammonia so powerful it could knock you…

Eh, I understand what you mean. I've never been that attracted to conventionally "hot" guys either. I generally am not attracted to a dude who looks like he spends more time on his appearance than I do, i.e. huge gym-swollen muscles, hairless body, etc., probably because I project meathead on them. We all have our own…

He's not much into T.V. in general, and really isn't into reality television... I can barely get him to even pay attention to my prestige shows, let alone my Top Chefs, Project Runways, and RuPaul Drag Race. The last two T.V. shows I could get him to watch with any dedication were Breaking Bad and Friday Night Lights.…

I can't handle it. I'm SO EXCITED.

That's why I buy expensive perfume. Both the desire to conserve an expensive liquid and fear of over applying work together to keep me moderate. A $6 aerosol can of smell just seems to incline people to hose themselves down.

Dear America, I live amongst the rednecks in the wild. I know you're used to adoring carefully-edited, family-friend TV rednecks, with their long beards, funny accents and love of camo. But some of them are also flawed human beings with ignorant opinions about the world. Welcome to real life.

I loved that catalog. I probably did better than most little girls with TWO American girl dolls purchased for me by my grandma, but my parents would never give me any of the accessories (rightly so, they were kind of ridiculous) and my mom would only sew me new outfits for my dolls. But oh how I loved to flip through…

So I love my cats, but I definitely don't love them enough to carry tiny stuffed versions of them around in my purse all day so I can take pictures of them enjoying the city sites with me. And I kind of feel okay about that.

I prefer cats. I like dogs, but don't quite understand them (why you gotta be all up on me all the time? take some time for yourself, doggy). I like birds in the wild, where they want to stay as far away from me as I do from them. But pet birds? Esssh. Parrots are like devil spawn to me. I used to know a guy with a…

Seriously. How I survived the Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey — I snuck in a flask of whiskey. Smoking a joint in the parking lot may also be an acceptable option, but be prepared to wonder what the hell is happening when it wears off halfway through and there's a wizard with birdshit on his head driving a rabbit sleigh…

Hey man, I consider myself a nerd. I enjoyed the Lord of the Rings. But the first Hobbit movie killed me. Waaaaaay too stretched out. But my SO is a Hobbit Mega Nerd so I had to go. But to answer how to survive the Hobbit when you're not into it: I snuck in some whiskey.

Gummy fiber saved my life because I don't have to listen to my SO whine and complain about his hemorrhoids which are easily treated with fiber, but he thinks fiber is gross and not easy to take, so he stops taking and it and cycle continues. And then he eats my women formula gummy vitamins too.

Yeah, I think it depends on the guy. My boyfriend is super terrified of babies and so even though I am on birth control he still withdraws.

My boyfriend and I were a little insecure because we bought like, one string of red and green lights and strung them around a single front window and stuck a little snowman gel cling in the middle. But then a few nights later, our neighbors ALSO lit up a single window with a strand of lights and put up a little…

I replayed the "hurricane in France" one a bunch of times because I really could not hear it as anything else. The real lyrics are almost as dumb: "Even in a hurricane of frowns I know that we'll be safe and sound." I like the fake lyrics better.

For me the adrenaline didn't kick in until the crash was over. I was in a car with a group of friends when we hydroplaned off a highway down an embankment and into a tree in someone's backyard. I was riding on the hump in the backseat between two people with no seat belt and got thrown all around the cab. I didn't…

Yeah, that's what I was about to say. My mom had an ovarian teratoma in her 20s, and randomly told me about it when I was a teenager. It was full of teeth and hair and I'm pretty sure her describing it to me effectively ended my childhood.