Currently snorting my birth control off of the back of a bar toilet while googling clinics that perform hysterectomies on otherwise healthy 30-year-olds.

my vagina and uterus just shot down permanently

And with that, I’m out for the day. Have a good internet everyone!

I love her take on this.

Tell you a secret. I’m pregnant and I’ve had all those things. Booze is minimal and has to be sipped slowly so it’s processed by the liver before it overwhelms the bloodstream, cheese just needs to be pasteurized so I can still get my brie fix, cold cuts my ob says are fine so I’m going with that, sushi needs to come…

I highly recommend Emily Oster’s “Expecting Better” if you want to feel not-crazy. I was nervous my first time around, so I followed ALL the “rules” out there, but her book made me feel better for being pissed at how ridiculous it all was!

Maybe, just maybe, I’m a very hormonal 38 week pregnant woman who is a bit touchy about things at this moment, but SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU STUPID STUDY. Like pregnant women need another fucking thing not to have. I haven’t had alcohol, I keep sugar and caffeine to a minimum, I have well done steak, I microwave my damn…

As a pregnant woman, can I just say that I am so goddamn sick of seeing a new study every week telling me I’m doing something wrong? This is my first pregnancy and it is scary enough without some dude in a lab discovering that I may already be a terrible mother because I ate a fucking potato for dinner.