Things we tell ourselves until the opportunity arises. The reason the flashy car doesn’t appeal to you is because you know enough that you don’t really need to be rich to have those types of things.

I suspect you (the royal you) would be surprised at how much we respond to the “classic” attractors. Evolutionary Psychology would posit it’s not a matter of choice, but that we’re genetically wired to want them the same we want food and sex and to poop in private etc. My mother was a strong feminist, and I grew up…

Men are socialized to believe similar, if their partner cheats it’s their fault. We are taught that our value lies in how well we can provide for every need a partner has. It’s the same sentiment, that we weren’t enough in the ways that mattered.

OK, that was a blanket statement, but I believe it has some merit. …

See, the only thing I would kind of comment on there is that it’s really important to communicate that stuff to partners. Perhaps not ASAP, but relatively soon. At least, I prefer a partner offering that stuff up in honesty, because it’s a lot easier to learn from a partner’s words than over time and experience..

From an online dating perspective, it sure seems like *all* the men want non-monogamy (or at least the ones who are brainy and into the arts, which is what I look for). It’s hard to imagine even more women wanting it.

the more people i hear describe polyamorous lifestyles the more it sounds like escapism to me. all i know for certain is that it’s a lifestyle that is very alien to me and i have trouble comprehending why it is something anyone would want because it’s not something i would ever want.

The latest trend is to paint monogamous folk as somehow close-minded. Get with the times!

I take issue with the statement “In an open (but committed) relationship, many women are able to find that mix of stability and excitement they crave.”

I don’t know if women are “more” into it - but in America in 2017, they certainly have more opportunity to engage in it. I’ve lost track of the “my wife and I opened up our marriage, now she’s getting laid all the time and I’m stuck jerking it in the shower” stories.

Possible, but this article seems to miss one of the strongest subtexts made in the NYT article (on the cishet side of things, at least.)

I’m so glad this article was written (and so well!). Just last week I was shocked by my extremely liberal mother’s reaction to hearing that one of my best friends is in an open relationship. She was truly upset, convinced that a open or poly romance could never work - and nothing I said could dissuade her. She…

I think that reducing monogamy to jealousy is pretty superficial.

Well, if you're not ok with her reactionary views on gender and finances, than yeah, its a big red flag. If you want to buy into that shit, than by all means - some guys dig that, some women dig that, and if it works for you, who am I to judge?