Give me a break.

Do you honestly not get it, or are is that just a cutsie rhetorical device?

. . . please be a teenager, please be a teenager, please be a teenager.

I’m convinced Klinsmann is a Manchurian Coach, sent to keep the Yanks in their place by destroying what was recently an ascendent team.

President Trump would also “make” every woman fall in love with him, via a mandatory daily pledge of devotion.

I can’t believe people are taking your bait.

960 sq ft for $645?

If you get lost, you can start talking about how people in your field just don’t win anymore, then segway into some vague boasts and finish with a grand promise to build a wall.

If the English are any indication, drinking more cider inevitably leads to more fighting.

Ted Cruz just said he had no desire to fuck Donald Trump.

Opportunism.

Sick burn, Tanzan!

Poor guy. Not only was that goal his fault, but only players that are unliked and/or not respected by teammates get scolded like that.

Exactly right. I’m just shocked there aren’t a dozen commenters queuing up to call you a “Highlight Truther” (lamest, most 2014 insult, ever).

“Is This Waiting to Exhale Sequel Ever Coming Out Or What?”

Gotcha. I’m sure at Wrigley, where the walls are covered in shrubbery, players are coached to raise their arms if they can’t find the ball. That’s because Wrigley has its own, unique, set of ground rules.

The bases were empty and there’s no way that goes for a triple if Cespedes just makes a play.

These seems like a good place to mention that when I was in college, a few of us adorned our campus’s statues with strap-ons.

I like to imagine that if beaned similarly, Trump’s head would explode in an orange puff of whatever comprises his plumage.

That was a great line and I totally agree he’s gifted at throwing shade, but I think you’re ignoring how important positional power in subconsciously shaping perception. It’s the same force that’s strong enough to make everybody laugh at the boss’s dumb jokes at staff meetings.