Fucking A. Now my brain is actually doing that. “Oh, you can feed me cabbage... .”

I’m simultaneously revolted and laughing my ass off at this sentence. What the fuck is that?

Hahaha!

It’s fascinating that of all the things we could be pouring research money and ingenuity into, we pick new flavors of Pop Tarts.

I’ve never once attempted mashed cauliflower or cauli rice and not ended up with little cauliflower bits ALL OVER THE KITCHEN.

I’m always bragging about my chicken salad so people ask why I don’t bring it to potlucks. And, quite honestly, it’s because I use homemade mayo with raw egg and I while I’ve never made myself sick, I don’t want it forever on my conscience if someone else gets sick.

I was just talking with someone the other day about how much the produce section of your average podunk supermarket has improved in the last decade.

When I first moved to a border town, I had to ask what was up with all the Canadians at Target, especially when the exchange rate didn’t favor shopping on the US side. I was told that American stores have more stuff.

My reaction to the lead on this piece: “She doesn’t have enough money already?”

I once told a friend of my dream of small house on a big plot of land and she asked what I would do with the land. I probably looked like a dog cocking it’s head when I replied “Do?”

Yup, and I fucking hate apartments. I’m not buying one.

I hate noise even more than most people and even I get that 9 AM is reasonable roof fixing time. It sucks but it’s gotta get done.

My mom, who hasn’t lived in a apartment in 50 years, can’t understand why I won’t consider buying a condo. It’s because if I’m going to live somewhere I can hear the neighbors fart, I want to at least have someone else responsible for fixing anything broken. If I’m going to sink my money into property, it’s going to…

I used to have a neighbor across the back fence who would roll his TV out into the backyard and host World Series parties that got fucking loud and annoying. After I moved ten blocks away I look at the news to see a sinkhole in front of his house. Some sinkholes are good.

I agree that children should be encouraged to engage in physical activity, just not team sports or competitive athletics if they really fucking hate it. That just turns them off physical activity if they aren’t shown they have alternatives.

Remember when we ran around telling ourselves all day that “no one is judging me as harshly as I’m judging myself”? Only to have the internet come around and show us that not only is everyone else judging me as harshly as I am myself, they’re even coming up with things to judge I hadn’t noticed! I didn’t even realize…

Counterpoint: I was pushed into competitive sports as a child and ran fleeing from physical activity because I thought that’s what it entailed and it wasn’t for me. I was very sedentary until discovering on my own that I love solitary physical activity.

I was eliminated from the school wide spelling bee in the mid 80s for spelling amok as a-m-u-c-k. This is is now an accepted alternate spelling. My takeaway is that where language is involved, when enough people are wrong, dictionary writers just decide wrong is right.

I’m not saying I hate myself because of this, but I never completely recovered from a friend telling me in the 6th grade that “you aren’t fat but your boobs make you look fat.”

My version of this list would be: Check your local rules.