I read this somewhere (Huffpo?) today and the mom said she did the bulk of the work; this article implies the 4 year old is actually making these. Still very cute girl (I want your hair) and cute concept.

That is amazing. I am hoping they pronounced parrot 'pah-roh', similar to Poirot. He would be Hercule Parrot.

Calling Bullshit: Did the 4 year old draw all of those notes?

Oh my God, Hercule Parrot. I get it!

You missed the best part of the parrot story - he's called 'Hercule'!

Um, except serve as a dipping medium for french fries?

Well, a woman, what if she's not hot? How could you respect her? And what if she IS hot? How could you respect her?

Very interesting article.
I'm going to die alooooooooooone!!!!!!!!

I have endured a lot of bad shit in life, but my relationship is my bedrock. It's not hard work. It's not even work. It's the easiest and best thing I have. It's a beacon everyday and has been for over a decade. I think this shit's not that hard:

It sucks to be in love with someone who doesn't make you feel loved. You listed a bunch of qualities that I'd consider deal breakers. Please remember that it's normal and natural to have needs, to prefer a certain way of showing love (such as nurturing you when you're sick), to require equality in the bedroom. (Your)…

Thanks for being brutally honest with this as people have a tendency to shame someone in your situation without really considering the larger picture. I appreciate that you recognize that your ex would be happier with someone who was in love with him, as opposed to someone who loved him. I'm someone who has not been…

Yes, fix the outfit as you are walking out the door with no time to change.... that's very constructive.

Although I think it does make sense to be more self aware, I'm a little uneasy about—and, to be honest, overwhelmed by—how this article seems to suggest that perfection in a relationship exists in this crazy world. Nothing is ever going to be perfect all the time. Also, placing labels on a particular "type" of person…

Sounds like your ex is incredibly self-centered and fairly insensitive. I know it probably doesn't seem this way but bullet dodged I'd say!

DING DING DING. I really wish someone had made a video explaining this, then showed it to 12-year-old-me alongside the "Your Body is Changing!" video.

She wasn't claiming that Maude is Judd's sister, just that she wants to be famous for her own sister's sake.

FLETCH!

"Ricky van Veen" sounds like a fake name either Fletch or Roger the Alien would use.

SHHHHHHHHHH. They might find out I'm not toeing the snarky line and fire me, and I like it here.

I will buy your book, Jolie. Because I read your column and you are the only breath of fresh (snark-free and still compelling to read) air in all of Gawker media.