Why couldn’t 2016 just take the guy from Spin Doctors instead?

“The single worst thing that has ever happened to an Armenian”

Everything I know about Armenia, I learned from my freshman year college roommate and his friends. I assume Karapetyan’s body broke down after going more than five minutes without a cigarette.

Dude, no. Cave of Time. Cave of Time is the best one.

That’s King Leonidas of Sparta, not Leonidas of Rhodes, who lived three centuries later.

Wait. Is this story heartwarming or heartbreaking?

It did make me smile, so you get a star!

The Iliad don’t got shit on this post holy fuck

That press release seems like the city was just taking the opportunity for some standard finger wagging about fire hydrants. If they filled that dumpster with Pabst (where it belongs), they’d still gripe about hydrants.

Proactive. High five.

You do realize you are critiquing the technique of a bunt in a parody video??

No dumbass. As long as the hand that’s on the meat end of the bat is protected — as it is there — the chance of breaking her fingers is virtually nil, because no one is going to try to bunt a ball that’s pitched that far inside OTOH—Her hand there will prevent you from shoving that thing all the way up your ass, where…

HOLY SHIT YOUR DICK IS HUGE

This is so fucking stupid. I’M GLAD YOU CAN SPORTS GOOD, BRO

I would actually put Jill Stein ahead of Donald Trump. Not because of work experience, but because she is less likely to tell everyone classified information or start a nuclear war.

Mr Eastwood can’t follow his own advice: A man’s gotta know his limitations.

When I ask the brothers what they would collect if they were as wealthy as the Cowboys’ owner, they respond at the same time and without skipping a beat: “People.”

Technically yes. Just because a few NIMBYs show up at a county council meeting doesn’t mean everyone in the area feels that way. Letting it go to vote and letting the residents decide whether or not to fuck themselves over is the democratic thing to do. It’s also dumb and bad because you know people will vote for it…

It seems as though there is some missing information here. Namely, how much money did the 20 opponents give to the 7 Council members versus how much money the team and/or its surrogates give to the same Council members?