Re-replying since Kinja screwed my excellent riposte.

Happy to oblige:

As a Seahawks fan since youth living in the Hinterlands far from the Left Coast, I will of course not take the bait. I get it constantly from Steelers and Bengals fans as it is, since they all assume that no one who currently lives in the Midwest could possibly not be from the Midwest and I must be some sort of Local…

And to you as well sir!

Goddamn...that North Korea bit? Ann Coulter is like someone ran a holesaw through the critical thinking and personality parts of her brain, leaving just a soulless automaton. That shit is like lines in a movie where I jump up and go, “AW HAIL NAW!” and walk out, because it’s so unlike anything a human with an ounce of…

It’s even worse than that.

Uhhhh, No. Fucking no dude, they aren’t.

Bad news fellow dork! We’re all cool now*, which of course means none of us are cool.

As a guy living in a town with “Value City Arena”, I commiserate with my fellow Embarrassingly-named-sports-venues-club members from Chi-town.

(Pencils in USNWT’s Player’s Association to the long and glorious list of organizations and people who do not understand how the 1st Amendment works)

Screw Philly hard with blunt objects. Those weirdos have some fucked up bastardized cole slaw that is absolutely heinous. They need a special note on menus that says “Cole slaw*...*If you’re not from Philadelphia, this is an awful aberration that in no way resembles the cole slaw you’re thinking of. Do not under any…

Don’t know if you losers heard, but Trump was sent by God to battle destructive spirits. By “destructive spirits”, I of course mean Cheria-Law-loving Liberals who want to force us all to bake gay cakes, follow Muslin Law, and worship Cher.

This is excellent pseudo-Trump. You could publish this as actual Trump and no one would even bother to vet it. HuffPo would post an overly-outraged article citing it within an hour.

I love how he’s bringing Carson along. You know he’ll be all, “This my African-American here” while pointing at Carson as he walks through the streets.

SPROTS are a vital part of our cultural heritage and you will respect it...or is it ‘them’? Fuck I don’t know...SPROTS forevah!

Fair enough.

Change things around to, “People biking in the traffic lanes...” and you have EVERYONE ON EARTH’S pet peeve.

Clearly you don’t live somewhere like, say, Columbus, Ohio, where asshole bicyclists have rammed bike lanes up everyone’s ass without so much as a how-do-you-do,.

Bullshit. Pretty sure Rowdy Gaines is the most “rowdy”.

You don’t know the referential origin of “SAD!”? You must have tiny hands, low energy, and blood coming out of your wherever.