It matters to me because it RUINS my experience. That I paid for. That I probably got a babysitter for. That I’ve been looking forward to for months and want to enjoy. We live in a fucking society, if your behavior is negatively affecting a majority of people, which from the comments it is, you should STOP that…

Not so much a cult, but rather a collection of conspiracy-minded morons who are into David Icke, a former soccer played turned total fucking wackjob.

EXACTLY. I mean you can’t force someone to be engaged, but someone shouldn’t force THEIR disengagement on you!!

“I’ve been this person before at a Roots concert because my dad couldn’t make the show and is a drummer, and Questlove was doing an amazing solo and I wanted to show it to him.”

I said it wasn’t. Mostly. I mean he clearly meant ‘white people’ when he said ‘first world’ because look who said it.

sometimes a cigar is just a cigar

Unsolicited Ugly Wang: New band name. I call it.

I think (hope) you’re missing a ‘not’ there...

My wife and I got into a big row one time and she stormed off to the spare bedroom. I guess I’ve seen too many Will Ferrell / Judd Apatow movies, so I thought sending her a dick pic (which I had never before done) would change the mood, and she’d scamper into my room wearing a scanty nightie chuckling “Oh, you!!” and…

New phone. Who dis?

I like to take an extra close up with my wife’s phone (to the point that you can’t visibly make anything out) and set it as her lock screen or background and see how long it takes her to notice.

She’s a good sport.

Are you sure that's not one of those asshole pics?

Well obviously he’s not, I mean even if there is an uncanny physical resemblance he’s clearly able to, as far as we know, breathe outside of water unassisted. So that alone should-...oh, wait. Shit. I read that headline wrong, I thought it said grouper.

So... Amadeus for Shakespere?

Not even. Those fingers are much too large to be the Donald’s.

I’m glad there were no cemetery surveillance cameras back when I was a 49-YEAR OLD TEACHER!!!

A fully functioning Gunblade

They actually did that because once the thing gets going the panels get so hot they expand and the fuel stops leaking.