Wow this is a really original take. Very witty.

Even this is a masterclass in simplicity compared to the current bullshit...

We really did have it all, didn’t we?

And BMW has proven that it can still do that, but chooses not to.

Ever since Chris Bangle they’ve wanted to make “Avant Garde” designs that are different for the sake of being different instead of just making good looking designs. The i8 (I owned one for a year) and the 8-series Gran Coupe are probably the only cars I’ve found attractive since the E46s, E39s, and E38s my family and…

No. I will get into a fist fight over this.

No, the giant grille and split lights look ridiculous.

“In fact, it’s one of the best looking 7 Series models the company has ever built.”

I’ve been very critical of BMW’s design language of late (and the grille, of course, deserves all of the usual scorn)... but... I don’t hate this.

Amen, brother.

I have driven/ridden in more cars with broken crank mechanisms than broken electric mechanisms. I also believe manual might even have more failure points at this point - a switch, a couple wires, and a small electric motor vs. a bunch of gearing - and are a pain in the ass to use anyway.

I’m not sure if it really counts as a car feature, but what about actually being cars? Probably 90% of the SUV market could be equally well served by a wagon (which would likely be better on gas), and yet more and more manufacturers are discontinuing cars entirely because nobody buys them any more.

If I’m honest, I’m sure anything’s possible with a wrap, but the Mod Top. Or frankly just any choice of exterior or interior colour outside of greyscale.

Turbo lag. Modern turbos don’t feel like turbos.  I miss the anticipation.

Replaceable head units. Can’t wait to find out what it costs to replace one of these integrated iPads like screens attached to your dash that has every function routed through it.

Forget corner vent windows, while it’s fun to have 70 mph air blasting in your face, those aren’t coming back. But how about actual full-size windows? You know, the kind where we can comfortably drive with our elbow on top of the door while still having our left hand at the 9 o’clock position on the wheel. Large…

Good sightlines with limited to no blind spots.

Comfortable seats. I know, crash standards and all that blah blah blah, but there hasn’t been a comfy, plush car seat since they stopped making the Town Car. 

I used to get a kick out of when people saw my $200-300 fuel bills in the Excursion and were agape at “what it must cost to drive it”. It’s hard for people to understand that that $200-300 of fuel I just put in was going to last me nearly 1000 miles.

“How fast does it go?”, ugh, somebody asked me this recently (I have a C6) and I just calmly replied, “It’s so fast that every time I floor the accelerator a wormhole forms then Matthew McConaughey suddenly appears in my passenger seat and starts sobbing uncontrollably.” There were no more questions.