Carson really is the pimple in this series. (Yes, it’s about a Ph.D., but it fits.)

It was like he was filibustering rational thinking.

Story of my life, amirite? (I am not right)

Sure, whatever. A crotchety old Socialist Jew from Vermont who spent his honeymoon in the Soviet Union is totally going to elected in these here United States. Good luck with that.

bc she’s actually in love with Karlie Kloss

Does this mean that when the Karma does return, it will be called a Karma Karma? Surely not.

“Hi, I’m Andrew Collins, and I have DirecTV.”

Did you click thru to the article? They totally had me being like “whoa, that’s...um...certainly..uh close”

Will it have shrimp cocktail?

then why didn’t they just get Emma Stone?

Taylor Swift at Burning Man:

I think now would be a really good time to remind him that a FlyGirl is now and will continue to be richer and more famous than he will ever hope to be.

Yes! You beat me to it!

Terrorist attack!

I wonder if they’ve seen Miley’s get up yet:

this comment acquits its namesake quite well