This is Texas. Federal laws are for other states.

I feel kinda bad for Jesus for having to hear her go on about it for hours.

I think we have evidence of that already. It was done from about 800BC through 400AD and gave us what we call the Bible.

Billy, I hate to nitpick, but I have a problem with the headline. The phrase "insane, masturbatory rampage" should be "insane masturbatory rampage." You shouldn't use a comma when the last adjective outranks its predecessor and is an integral part of the noun phrase. In this case, the rampage is not both insane…

"Actually, it's about ethics in journalism."

I'm still trying to figure this one out.

The White House is the hardest Gym to get the badge from. No one ever makes it past the Trainers on the lawn.

Why did Kanye let her finish?

Well anyone who buys this dress for 250K plus clearly doesn't give a shit about your silly common sense.

WHY YOU OPEN THE CURTAINS THEY CAN SEE YOU NOW

He got Kate Upton, stopped jacking off, lost strength in his arm. What's the question here?

The closest thing I ever had to "the talk" with my dad went like this:

Damn, son! That's two winner comments today. You go Glenn Coco

Okay, I'm going to say this with three qualifiers for the sake of clarity:

Hey, girl, if I told you your skin made me think you are less human than white people, would you hold it against me?

I hope to some day feel a love so strong that it makes me hate black people.

He's probably just doing this for a Reaction, and by that I mean some items from Kenneth Cole's 2014 collection.

How lame to take a selfie of yourself while you're looking away from the camera, as if you didn't realize your picture was being taken. By you.