He’d just try and pay him in Donkey Sauce.

But only a decaf.

If Utah had won, they planned on celebrating by passing around a large Starbucks coffee and letting each player have one tiny sip, Prophet be praised.

Eat a bag of dicks.

This is a horrible thing to happen, and what makes it more gut wrenching is the notion that this could have been foul play.

You should try to loosen up. And apparently at least 355 people thought he was clever and/or funny...which in the grand scheme of humanity isn’t a lot but it’s well above average here and monumentally better than the one rec your mom gave your one-comment burner comeback.

Jesus: Tim, when I said, “Follow me,” I didn’t mean “Get cut as much as possible.”

I think it’s kind of sad how he sidelined his own best judgment in deference to a figure of authority, an authority whose own judgment is not to be questioned, and it cost him his own better interests while only furthering the narrow interests of the organization that authority represents.

“I respect you and I want to fit in. I want to be one of the guys. Should I do it?”

Say what you will about BYU’s shitty treatment of rape victims, but they still torched their best chance for a decade (maybe even a generation) in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament when they benched their second-best player for having consensual sex with his girlfriend. Now Liberty hires a guy who oversaw a…

C’mon. If Fisher was really trying to embarrass Robinson in front of his family, he would have made him go out on the field with the rest of the Rams starters.

It’s unfortunate that Anaheim already hired Coach Goofus.

Wait, how does the fact that they were “limited” by the man not being a pro skater mean that they had to do an elaborate Holocaust-themed ice dance? I do not follow your logic here. And doesn’t the fact that they were on a Russian Ice Dancing with the Stars reality competition mean that there is even less room for…

I studied Russian, did a semester in Moscow and still keep up with the news over there. Wait til you hear the one about Peskov’s $400,000 watch. When caught red-wristed with a timepiece that cost many times his annual salary, he claimed she bought it for him as a gift.

Боже мой.. It’s worth noting that Navka is the wife of Putin’s press secretary Dmitry Peskov.

I’m just glad that Mel Brooks is branching out into skating.

(((cums)))

That squirrel headline though. Where is my emoji that’s laughing so hard it’s crying???