And dancing chillies!

That trying to fix it with a hammer was a bad idea?

This is the first thing I’ve heard Trump say that I actually like the sound of.

If you called me four days ago, I would have said your upcoming MVP was Amari Cooper. What that man can do with balls was only just legalized, my God!

Idiocracy’s sketches were on point

Does your dick ever have Final Destination experiences like lodging itself into STD-ridden strippers or placing itself in your zipper?

It’s also the entire employee handbook for University of Phoenix Online admissions staff.

I run my cable box through my one. Especially with the windows 10 update its really nice. And you don’t have to use oneguide. You can still use your cable remote to access your cable box’s interface if you want. There’s really no benefit to oneguide besides using your controller or xbox remote to change channels.

Berenstein*

Yeah, you’re going to watch the patriots and packers trade superbowls anyway, might as well get a win out of it first.

It was the best I could come up with off the top of my head. Watch next year it'll be no. 1 on the baby name list

omfg xistopher

“I BETTER CALL STACY - HER LITTLE BOYS RHEIGN AND XISTOPHER ARE SUCH NAUGHTY BOYS”

- “Would you rather get a handjob from your mom or give a handjob to your dad?”

Who’s right here?

Someone got Papa John’s and Papa Murphy’s mixed up.

The team has also found it difficult to pair him with a roommate on the road, due to the constant complaints about the stink from his candy cigarettes.

I put seven of these in the 24-year-old son’s room. Didn’t work; he’s still in my house. 0/10

My first “real” running shoes. Feels very similar to the Kayanos I use now, mostly because they’re supposedly more durable.

My first “real” running shoes. Feels very similar to the Kayanos I use now, mostly because they’re supposedly more…

I’m sure he threw a K&N air filter on that bad boy. That oughta be enough.