“What had happened was”
One of those days you really wish Stuart Scott were around to read the note on Sportscenter.

Hope the family wins every last penny of that buyout. 

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the new University of Maryland football coach.

OK, internet, I expect you to do your thing!

I’m annoyed this woman hasn’t been identified yet. Is there a way to donate to the antifa doxx team?

Obviously Coach K isn't going to get tripped up in any kind of scandal.

It is Maryland, so maybe just two of those. 

“you’ll shoot your eye out kid”

+2 Rocky mountain oysters.

My take is that former CU Buffalo mascot Ralphie sabotaged that t-shirt cannon…

Was he swimming in the fucking pool from Cocoon?

Dammit, now I feel stupid (and contagious).

No. Please, no to Aly Raisman. Here’s why:

Amelia Bedelia comes to mind for me.

Make sure to call me on my free Obama phone with the deets.

“Dude, calm down.”

No, Zach Smith is having THE public meltdown

If only they hadn’t given $75 million to Curt Schilling.

I decided to walk away from coaching football after 24 years. I guess it dawned on me, finally, that I basically was berating children for their inability to correctly pummel other children. And on the offensive side of the ball, avoid being pummeled. The next person I hear say how great of a character builder and…

I agree with the anonymous ESPNer that this is a great FU.