I’d gladly tip the cable guy if he showed up on time and actually fixed the problem.

Those lag bolts are so hilariously overkill. Just one of those screwed into a wood stud could hold up 6 of your TVs :)

Hate to tell you, but, it's crooked.

Maybe if youd paid someone he'd use a level

Fast-forward a few months, I'm "browsing Google+" (aka closing a tab I didn't mean to open in Gmail) and suddenly I notice an advertisement for the same underwear my girlfriend wore the last time we did it in the room with the thermostat.

Just wait until he receives his monthly letter reminding him that his paperless bill is ready to be viewed online.

/conspiracy theory on

Dispatch: Accident involving Donut boat, all units respond.
Boat Cops: 10-4
*crash*
Boat Cops: Fuck.