I was a rebellious young thing who loathed being subjected to gender norms. So despite being forced to dress in garish overly feminine dresses and matching patent leather shoes, I would run amok with my (predominately male) friends causing all sorts of mayhem.

Haiku thread!

okay so I’m late to the party and I’m a disgusting person so this is about what I did but... one time I was partying with my girlfriends at a bar and we went to the bathroom to do some cocaine. After doing said cocaine I thought I had to pee so I sat down to pee while my friend was still in the stall with me as we…

Mine isn’t as outlandish as some of the other stories but here it goes:

I went grocery shopping with one of my best friends once. I had to pee, we pushed our carts to the bathroom and she stayed out with our carts as I went into my stall. I heard the door open again and looked at the feet in the stall next to mine. It was my best friend’s feet. I decided we should play footsie, because…

I don’t wanted to be disrespectful of the dead but one time I happened to glance at the feet of the woman in the stall next to me (it was shoe thang. I just can’t help myself) Anyway these feet were in flip flops. They were crusted with spray on tanner, the nails were so long they curled over onto the floor and they…

I enjoy Martha’s and Snoop’s friendship. It’s cute he gave her a painting.

*HOOOOORK*

Poors!

Here’s the deal.

I’m sorry your poor little boy won’t be able to stick his dick wherever he wants whenever he wants. So tragic.

Best meme I’ve seen in a long time:

I would wear ALL the campaign gear, no matter how much it sucked (because campaign gear ALWAYS SUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS)

Um, forgive me for asking this, but did all this help you get over the breakup?

Not me, exactly but the two women walking toward me in a sporting good store. That was the moment when the zipper on my sport bra gave up the game completely and unzipped so fast I could not even react. Both sides of this stupid bra pop out of the sides of my summer dress like weird ass wings and oh boy, did I wish I…

yeah yeah yeah, jessica biel...your sex life is as active as it is moist, we get it.

ouch.

You have to pay the price

No way any white person with dreads is being told they have to shave their head or they can’t work at Portland’s third best food co-op. This is such bullshit.