No no, you heard it wrong. Bartolo Colon added chives to his lunch. Which he ate.

Yeah, he sucks!

In retrospect, football was sort of a thing he fell ass-backwards into for a while despite being an irredeemable turd. The most interesting aspect of this case isn’t that a football player was just convicted of murder, but that a murderer actually managed to have a short pro football career.

Honestly, I’m pretty shocked.

Meh, I don’t really even have a witty comment to make. Probably the only thing that comes to mind is good riddance, and what an absolute moron. He threw away his entire life for nothing. All of the money he stood to make from football is gone. All of the potential on-field success and accolades are no more. Most…

so does this mean he was not good at murdering?

You’re an idiot. You clearly know nothing

Wow, that guy is a dipshit.

There is nothing wrong with pelting Shane Victorino with beer.

Wrigley used to have bleachers?

Playing the Phillies really brings out the "Philadelphia" in people

He’s clearly not a winner in the game of grammar.

Hard to argue; Revis’ career at Pitt, with the Jets and in Tampa prove that he’s a career winner.

Close: “MeHEEyah”

Why oh why couldn’t it be Wilmer Flores instead?

When did the Browns change the team name?

I don't know what you're talking about, because this Yankees broadcast is breathtaking. 60 straight seconds of silence is GOLD.

Fans, desperate for a conclusion to the game and an end to their prolonged misery, attempted to light the field themselves while crying out for pitches to be thrown and the batter to step to the plate.

As of press time, Gawker Media is still coping with its inability to identify the fraternity's role in his death.