Also, British tax agents could be onto them, and are about to hand out to invitations to come into Scotland Yard for a chat.

My greatest wish right now is for one of those pictures to feature Trump fondling an underage girl. ‘Course, the egg sac will just claim it’s photoshopped.

Can we just go ahead and assume the county commissioners and the attorneys have been paid off under the table and go from there?

If someone wants to convince me that there’s a god, Epstein possessing a picture of Trump fondling a naked, underage girl would go a long way.

Please, God.

Since when does a home run derby need a play-by-play, anyhow?

+700 HP

A fire hydrant. C’mon, it’s a dog, after all.

My money’s on stroke/aneurysm.

Kobe probably gave Barstool a big diamond ring and they let him stay.

Yes, point to the person who hit the opponent.

I remember McEnroe getting drilled by an Ivan Lendl running forehand once in (I think) Dallas indoors, and I couldn’t help but think I’m glad it wasn’t me on the receiving end.

And Kim’s an amateur compared to Putin, which is truly frightening.

If it happens, I might actually believe in a god.

Punctuation is important, yo.

It has to be Iowa. The end.

The one-touch passes had my jaw hanging open.

And if you’re going downhill in the mountains, downshifting manually saves the hell out of your brake pads.

Undiagnosed heart condition is usually what I think when I hear a professional athlete dying like this.

I can close my eyes and still see Joe Girardi standing at the microphone in Wrigley, announcing the game had been postponed.