Fucking brilliant.

Fifty dollar millimeters?

No

The Neon Demon or GTFO

Ouch.

Tilde

We've gone past rock. We're beginning to see mantle now.

"…so we might as well embrace it."

Hey that's great, buddy

Michelle Monaghan as "Wife"

"I will not stand for a movie where the message is "black women can do math as well as white men" getting almost the same grade as the movie where CGI animals sing karaoke for two hours."

Jennifer Lawrence is certainly beautiful. Chris Pratt looks like a schlub.

This space man just can't get his love life together!

Pratt has a single "serious face" and is unable to deviate from it

WARNING: this movie contains at least two caucasian actors

Crazy idea: video games should be video games and not movies

If by "romp" you mean "exercise in torture," then yes

So which guy is Assassins Creed, then?

This all sounds way too serious for a movie about medieval parkour-fu.

Even for a kid's movie, this looks obnoxious as fuck.