I heard Royals on the radio this morning for the first time and I was SOOOOOOOO excited. I love love love Lorde and am so happy to have a new, totally awesome female vocalist on the scene.

No! Bad Perez! You stay away from Lorde. She's doing just fine. Do not listen to her, do look at her, and definitely do not talk about her.

You know she's close when it's a distance I could swim. (Not fast mind, you, but if my life depended on it, I could.)

Even sharks have gotten lazy under the Obama administration.

Except that yours was a lighter. Hers was a gun. You don't get to "forget" to unpack your handgun when you're traveling, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if she did it on purpose, either hoping she wouldn't get caught or that she could make some kind of crazypants statement about gun laws.

80s-movie corollary: Lane Meyer's blind date in Better Off Dead.

Yes, apparently it's a program they're using to try to make the waiting game for fall drinks "fun." All like "use this code to unlock fall fun with a pumpkin spice latte!" I don't want to play a promotional GAME Starbucks, I just want my damn latte.

John Mayer is looking like an unflattering photo of a younger Michael Douglas.

Then he sang:
Don't twerk my heart
My achy breaky heart
Don't twerk on my giant foam hand.
'Cause if you twerk my heart
My achy breaky heart
Robin Thicke's mom just won't understand.

Miley Cyrus spelled her own name wrong.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

Faith in the American public has been restored for about five minutes.

Grillz are nice but call me when Headgearz make the scene.

Oh man, I have a friend at work who tells me I'm "mean" every time I make an observation about someone else. Mind you this kid is afraid of being assertive so he sees anything that isn't positive as cold hearted. But it gets on my damn nerves. If Cindy has bad breath, and I say she has bad breath (not to a group,…

Addiction is no joke, and crack is designed to pull you in and leave you wanting nothing but another hit. I can't stand the Kardashians but I've always had a soft spot for Khloe and Lamar. I hope they can work through it, and that Lamar can get the help he needs and figure out how to adapt his life without drugs.

Hold the phone — Bradley Cooper's girlfriend is a 21 year old WOMAN not a girl as you put it. She is old enough to vote, pay taxes, serve in the military, get married, drink alcohol, graduate from college, and hold a grown ass persons job. She is a woman. Stop belittling her agency, autonomy, independence, choice, and…

Yeah, much as side-eye a LOT of what's written on CDAN these days, I think "Enty" is closer to right about what's going on with Khloe, Lamar and Kris. And, while these are two people I couldn't care less about, I'm kind of fascinated by the secret machinations of the whole Celebrity Gossip Industry as illustrated with…

she played 'Liz Chandler' on Days of Our Lives (my soap) many moons ago...she sang there, too. Side note: I think Robin Thicke needs to keep his sunglasses on, because when he takes them off, he becomes his father. it's all disturbing to me.