You say Petrino, and I say Pitino... Petrino, Pitino, Pitino, Petrino, let’s stick our dick where it don’t belong!

What? Who doesn’t put Kareem in GOAT conversation?

At least his initials are apt

I wonder what an athlete would do Murph in

No one cares about college rowing but like Donald Trump Jr., I rowed in college. (He was on the team at Penn for 1 year.) The standard by which rowers are judged is 2000 meters on the Concept 2 ergometer. The slowest guy on our team went 6:48. He was 5'10", 171lbs and iron deficient. Still, that score is butt. Donald…

At least catfish law is less strict down there.

You forgot to end with ‘,officer.’

Given Storm’s history, give it a few hours and she’ll announce the death of her beloved colleague Todd Archer.

Athletes wearing branded apparel and saying a slogan in brief video clips, you say? I’m very sorry I’ve missed out on watching that, it sounds like a terrific way to spend time.

Your friend to you: “her name is Becki with an I. How is that not a deal breaker right there?”

then get down

The place isn’t racist. The customers, however....

My wife and my sister have creepily-similar names. I have never once said my wife’s name during sex.

These guys look old enough to have worked out whatever problem they had before it got to this stage.

The scene that plays out in my head is Wetter sitting down at a desk with a ginormous stack of paper that lists every call from this nutjob. He begins to count but after 10 minutes he’s already lost count several times and had to start over. After another 10 minutes goes by, Wetter throws up his hands, says “fuck it,”…

How about he doesn’t know an exact number because no one has gone through the records to count, but he’s saying it is gonna be a big number when they finally do?

This is what you’re choosing to latch onto here?

The Cardinals lost their 20th game.

Well, that and “sooner or later Philip Rivers will destroy your team.”