Audit trails, health care people! It’s important that you know they exist and will get your asss fired, with possible fines and/or criminal charges.

Might be because she’s taken plastic surgery to lengths modern medicine never imagined. Just a guess. But she’s making huge contributions to western culture. She raps . . . something, right?

America 2016. Trailer park trash have money and TV shows, for some reason. There’s less tawdry shit on your average Tampa police blotter.

And it’s pretty rich to be called ignorant by a mental midget like yourself there, Sailor. But keep tryin’.

Mandrell is good. I’d vote for Dolly Parton myself. And by “vote for Dolly Parton” I mean that literally. I’d vote for Dolly to be Queen of the World forever and ever. Whatever she wants, she can have.

Madonna may have had some sort of pop culture genius, but artistic or musical genius? Come on. She was only as good as whatever producer that was at her disposal. Personally, I liked the Wm. Orbit stuff. “Don’t tell me” is still one of my favorite songs. But she doesn’t write, play, or do any of the things that an…

Where were we really going from here? You are in thrall of the “biggest day of her life” bullshit. Like you had some persuasive argument to make at some point?

It’s a comment section, having opinions is kinda the point, you cry baby. The only reason we’re having this discussion is that demanding that someone change their appearance for your wedding is NOT a cultural norm. Like, at all. Go ask ten random people and I’ll bet 2 at most agree with your take on it. Make sure…

I’d prefer “well-wisher”, in that he didn’t wish her any specific harm.

He did that for the universally acknowledged musical genius Carmen Electra, too. What’s your point?

I really hope that I never meet anyone who is so vapid and shallow that their happiness in any way depends on me looking different in order to conform to their superficial ideas of what I should look like, for any reason, including a stupid fucking wedding. I certainly wouldn’t consider that person a friend.

She’s not within a country mile of being Prince’s peer on any level, artistically or musically. No one is, but Madonna is lightyears away.

You gotta wonder about a woman whose happiness could depend even to the tiniest degree on something so insignificant. A woman who fetisized a legal ceremony and an after party into some cosmically important event. I’m sure you’d feel the same way if the groom commanded the bridesmaids to lose a little weight or get…

Mine touches my chest and if I was instructed to shave for a wedding it would be a long time before I stopped laughing. But even if it was a month’s worth of stubble, I’m in charge of my face, thanks very much. Feel free to have someone else in the wedding. You gotta wonder about a friend who’s marrying someone who…

We’ve got the automatic door buttons for two glass doors between our building and the parking garage. The three middle-age gals who seem to spend most of the day in the garage smoking and drinking Big Gulps of Mountain Dew Code Red hit that fucking button every time. Out of all that, the button pushing is the thing…

Price punches like a sissy-boy and Palmieri looks like a bad-ass by just basically ignoring him. Goalie tantrums are the best.

Nothing is more artistically and musically lazy than slowed down piano cover of pop songs. But it’s the type of thing that Hollywood people think is deep. Steaming piles of crap.

I had a friend in grad school who went to Notre Dame and lived and died for ND football. It was a little bit terrifying how seriously he took it. Like, it was absolutely life and death. A loss would ruin his whole week. A tough loss would trigger an epic drunken bender that would last two days. One time, he…

At the major league level? He has proved he isn’t qualified to play rookie fall ball in Arizona.

If your biggest problem is that your smart watch no longer has support, you’re living a pretty charmed life. That’s basically the definition of a rich white person problem.