You know there’s porn on the internet, right?

My back wouldn’t let me do it now, but I used to love going to Cinespia at the Hollywood Forever cemetery. Seeing Harold & Maude was a particular joy.

Seriously I’m a “Millennial” and I feel so old and detached from the world knowing this guy is somehow famous for being a complete asshat.

Yeah. More like, “Get off the fuckin’ truck, now!”

For the Cubs, contending at all was more of a generational event. By that standard, they were 15, maybe 20 years ahead.

Eh, I’d say there’s still a lane to the foul side of the plate. Anyway, the throw beat the runner, so the catcher is allowed to position himself however he wants.

In Ezekiel’s defense, he probably meant to punch out the woman instead.

It’s not about soccer or a hundred dollars; she just does not want to lose.

Here’s my suggestion. Stanton vs. Judge. Pay-Per-View event.

Remember when poker was really big? Poker pros with all the charisma of a moist towelette raking in that sweet endorsement money. That was a really stupid thing that happened.

Poker is a really fun game and interesting mental challenge that is completely drained of all its joy because of the low-lifes you inevitably have to play (no offense to Tom Bracy).

Give us your baby.

Adopting a pet you already know that your significant other is allergic to is one of the the most low-key passive-aggressive bullshit things I’ve ever heard.

Googling “Taylor Swift abandons pet” turns up nothing.

holy shit! You can buy dogs that bite Lena Dunham? Sign me up.

You might just have what it takes to work in a movie studio continuity department. It’s that attention to detail away from the main action that separates the amateurs from the real professionals.

In America, we use words like “grit” to describe players who are willing to get dirty and like “captain” for those who will do anything for their teammates.

That’s 2017 for you. You assume the weirdest news you’re going to get out of Brazilian soccer is a convicted murderer being signed to a new contract, and then next thing you know you get some guy trying to test out Ehrlich’s maximum optimal jerk-off theories from Silicon Valley in the locker room shower.

Also, because basketball is so able to be dominated by singular players in ways larger team sports are not (see: football, soccer, hockey, baseball) on both offense and defense because the elite players play nearly every game and are responsible for both offense and defense (insert Harden jokes here), a salary cap…