Contrary to what he said, he did not say "if". He said, "For me;" which I understand to be two other words that are not if. He did say "if" as in he would apologize "if [he sounded] cold", which yes, it was a cold thing to say. And he should apologize, for being a glowering asshole.

I dunno what you call it, but it helped me get through Metal Machine Music, so I call it cure-all.

It wasn't a joke at the last meeting I attended. The Rothschilds brought cake. And we're not going to turn all the frogs gay until at least 2080. So I don't know why Jones is so worked up about that scheme.

I wonder how all the fringe right-wing family members I have would respond to this news, you know, if they actually learned to read outside of their very closed off news bubble. Would they be horrified to learn that Alex Jones was lying to them? Would they be angry that's he's lying to cover his back, while telling…

Too much fudge(?) not enough cake, and the white chocolate diamond looks like it tastes like caulk, and the vanilla dots probably don't have any flavor.

Dr. Adequate Soda didn't test as well with focus groups.

Dr. Muchausen: It doesn't have 21 flavors, but you'll think it does!

Fried trout with rice and potatoes washed down with leche de tigre.

1) Build portal to parallel universes.
2) Search for parallel Earth where you are dating Natalie Dormer.
3) Make sure there isn't some weird catch.
4) Kill alternate version of you and ditch the body back in our universe.
5) Never speak of your crimes against the laws of man or physics to anyone. And do NOT tell anyone…

The middle guy in the picture was the worst Trump. Not funny at all, a real loser.

I enjoy a derogatory clown joke as much as the next jackass around here, but I can't bring myself to say something snarky about Bozo, because I grew up on that show in the late 80's. I even remember a serialized story about how Professor Andy on the lam because he was fond of playing Mancini(? I can't remember what…

I'm saving the whole third season for binging with a friend, but I still read this anyway. I find knowing how it ends doesn't ruin the perverse journey as all, as it's Forrest's gleeful determination in every review that really makes it fun to watch. After "Pancakes, Divorce, Pancakes" this show ceased to surprise me…

After I graduated college I moved to Peru to brush up my Spanish and study archaeology before going to grad school. Whenever I'd take a cab I'd strike up a conversation with them to learn more about Lima, and how to get around it. Invariably, they would ask where I was from, I would respond by saying Chicago, and then…

And Homer envisions his kids as "horrible freaks with pink skin, no overbite and five fingers" when he hears his dad is dating Marge's mom.

The only place I've ever eaten a legit gyro was in Chicago. I lived on the east coast for a bit, and every place between NYC and Boston just left me underwhelmed. Every time I was at a burger joint that had one, I'd order it and get a few thin slices of bullshit on a soggy pita over stuffed with tzatziki. New Haven…

Winn's reaction to Mon-El quoting Star Wars was priceless.

Cuz [he's] losing his sight [of a legislative agenda]
Losing [his] mind [dealing the House Freedom Caucus]
Wish somebody would tell [him he's] fine.

Nathan, whenever I feel low I sometimes go back through the archive of this series and read a random review of yours. The glee for the terrible you put into these just lightens up my day. This might be your Pieta. Either that or the one about the Other Other Guy from the Black Eyed Peas.

I thought the Triad fight paled in comparison to another fight scene, not the epic hallway battles of Daredevil, but the elevator fight from Winter Soldier. That doesn't do Iron Fist any favors since that fight was set up with a dark wit as more people piled in the elevator and just escalated to ridiculous levels in a…

Colleen Wing's reaction to her students failure to take her down is the same as me when I grade final papers. I know how you feel; at least she can physically smack her kids.