I actually kept taking it to a place where "a garden" is a euphemism for pubic hair, and then imagined Mark Driscoll taking teeny tiny gardening shears and making elaborate topiary designs out of his wife's "garden". "This week, we're going to do abstract swirls, and then next week, I'm going to try to get in both an…

Your handle + this gif make this my favorite comment on everything I've read today. And I'm stuck in bed with a sick baby, so, I've been reading a lot.

SO, SEATTLE PEOPLE. Real question, because I dunno who/where else to ask.

If this guy tried to garden me, he would quickly find his shears up his butt, assuming there's room for them next to his firmly-lodged head.

Because nothing says "I'm an intelligent, complex, spiritual leader" better than wearing a Mickey Mouse tee. (Disney PR nightmare.)

Please explain to me how his conversation with Beck was not masturbation.

I went to high school with this guy. He was in my older sister's grade. I can assure you, he is THE WORST.

That sounds wonderful!

I posted this last night, but I will bring it up again.

That's all I got.

True story: my dog humped my nephew in the face when he was a puppy, and now my nephews are both terrified of him.

"A little thing that can turn into anything at anytime."

the old one is fine and I haven't cleaned it in two years

Hop on Loser, We're going Shopping!

Good for her!

They can also be overcooked. They could've been colorless but got out of optimal conditions and changed. All the diamonds we wear? Outside of the geological pressure cooker, they are sllloooooowly turning back into coal. Right on our fingers and ears. It will take millennia, but still...

Right there with you. I had to reread that bullet out loud to my boyfriend.

OH GOD THIS GOT ME GOOD